There Will Be No Sex in the Common Room

With apologies to Chris Rock…

Students of the BYU Class of 2011 I have many rules for you

Chief among them, no matter what your boyfriend/girlfriend want,

you will have zero sex in the common room…or anywhere else for that matter.

Oh there are readings on the Church of Latter Day Saints in the common room;

But you don’t want the readings…you want sex in the common room.

And there is no sex until you are married, in the common room.

Don’t drink alcohol, Sure it feels good to loosen up a bit after a hard week,

but what about the beer googles enough drinks will give you?

Sure she looks like a 10 after a few drinks, but she’s closer to a three.

You can read the Book of Mormon; but you don’t want to read.

You want to drink until you puke and live the college life.

Not here at BYU and remember there is no sex in the common room.


Don’t consume caffeine, it is the ingredient of the devil.

Sure America runs on Dunkin, but as Mormon’s we are above that level.

You don’t care about caffeine  you want sex, and there is no sex in the common room

Cigarette smoking is an act of a non-virtuous life

It is not an attractive feature on any human being

What does it matter, you can only have sex if you have a wife,

Facial hair is a no-no; unless you obtain a beard exception

Don’t even think of trying to use contraception

Because there is absolutely no sex…in the common room.

Don’t lie, live a chaste and virtuous life

Tiger Woods did neither and where is he now?

His life is dirty, sucessess forgotten, living in strife.

He had sex in the common room; abolishing his wedding vow

So BYU students of 2011, remember this honor code

Violations of it will lead to suspension from your basketball team

We don’t care if your are an important part of the Final Four road

Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, coffee, tea, and facial hair: Keep them a dream

But always remember; there is absolutely no sex in the common room.

I can be followed on Twitter @ScottieNTCF


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